


Deep down

by 8Antisocial_hyooman8



Category: Jurassic World: Camp Cretaceous (Cartoon)
Genre: Animal Death, Ben is not okay, Ben's POV, Character Study, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Relationship, a little yasammy if you squint, kind of, no beta we die like men, ok i really wanna sleep ill post and if i'm missing something i'll check tomorrow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:00:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29381733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/8Antisocial_hyooman8/pseuds/8Antisocial_hyooman8
Summary: Ben's been through some shit, and he's hid a lot of it to his friends.
Relationships: Kenji Kon & Ben Pincus, Kenji Kon/Ben Pincus, Sammy Gutierrez & Ben Pincus
Comments: 3
Kudos: 70





	Deep down

**Author's Note:**

> In case you didn't see it AN ANIMAL SUFFERS.  
> Also, I don't know much about dinosaurs or JW so forgive any mistakes.  
> I was listening to the AOT soundtrack and one particular song inspired the entire sequence.

Ben woke up more rested than he had become accustomed to. In that space between sleep and consciousness, he felt the earth under him and knew he was in Isla Nublar, the first days he had to come to that realization each time he woke up, but he knew it before waking up now.

However, he _did_ expect to have Bumpy with him. He felt the leaves under his face and his eyes snapped open, memories rushing back.

Right.

Bumpy was gone too.

He sat up and stared at the grass and bushes in front of him moving softly with the breeze, becoming brighter as the sun came up.

He had been so afraid when Bumpy left, when _he_ drove her away. Afraid for her, of course, she was still a baby without a herd, would she be able to survive on her own? Would she get lost? Eaten? But if Ben was honest with himself, he had been mostly afraid for himself. Even as a baby, Bumpy had shown herself to be very capable, she had saved Ben's life many times since he came to in the middle of the jungle. Now, he had absolutely no protection, not even that of Bumpy, and no company either, nothing to even bring him a little bit of joy in the midst of all…this.

Ben had been so afraid, deeply and more afraid that he had ever been in his entire life, and that was saying someting.

But he was also very tired.

His tiredness grew gradually each day, even before he fell from the monorail. He was tired of running for his life, tired of being dirty and sweaty, tired of being a burden, tired of being afraid. He knew he was annoying and a bummer before ever coming to jurassic world, but as they tried to stay alive and escape the island, he had become such a heavy burden on his…fellow campers. Bumpy was next, even alone he was a burden on a little baby dinosaur, she protected him and guided him, saved him. He had been saved so many times, by so many people.

He was tired. Too tired.

His tiredness had overcomed him last night, when he stood his ground against a herd of compies, successfully frightening them away.

Ben sighed before standing up, then he walked over to the nearby river as he replayed last night's events in his head. He had done it, he had survived, he had fought.

He crouched down as usual to take sips from the water. From the corner of his eye, he saw something move. He looked up quickly to be met with a parasaurolophus swimming calmly nearby, he had seen one of those before, near the beginning. She turned to look at him, then slowly began to approach.

Ben stood up and raised his arms. He kind of hissed first, to see what would happen. The parasaurolophus only stared at him confusedly before continuing to approach. Then, Ben began to scream furiously, similarly to last night. The parasaurolophus halted, still staring at him.

"GO AWAY!" Ben screamed, jumping into the water to make a big splash as he continued to scream.

He was successful. The dinosaur stepped back before turning to leave for sure.

Ben sighed, looking down at his feet under the water. He stepped out of the river and went back to his lair, if you could call it that. The wet shoes were uncomfortable and would make him slower if he had to run, but at least his feet didn't feel like they were burning up.

He sat down against a tree, his body in the shadow and his feet under the morning sun.

"I have to do something," he said to no one but himself. He barely cared about talking to himself anymore. It made him feel more grounded, reminded him of his own body.

He sighed. "I have to do something," he repeated, with a lot more weight to it this time. He could not keep repeating this day over and over.

……………………………………………………………………………………..

Ben's eyes snapped open.

 _Danger_ , his whole body screamed at him.

It was the middle of the night, which only added to his disorientiation due to lack of sleep. He put his feet on the ground and moved over to a nearby tree, crawling in order to be covered by the bushes and as quietly as he possibly could.

He hid behind the trunk and waited as the sound of steps became clearer and clearer. His mind raced, telling him that he was being watched, that he was about to get eaten, but he remained still.

A soft noise broke the relative silence, curious instead of aggressive as the animal approached the place Ben had slept in so many nights. Carefully, he took a peak at the dinosaur.

She was relatively big, like a small car, and walked in two legs, but had strong-looking arms too. She was a predator, obviously. With only the light from the moon, Ben couldn't quite see her colors and patterns, but he recognized her shape and he was reminded of the excited way Darius jumped in place when they saw one of those. Herrerasaurus.

Ben made a counscious decision to keep breathing. She hadn't noticed him. If everything went well, she would give up and go look for food elsewhere.

_But what if it doesn't end well?_

Ben stared at his spear. He had finished it some days ago, and in a moment that now seemed like the worst mistake of his life, he had stabbed it on the trunk of the tree—the one now right besides the herrerasaurus—and forgot about it.

If things didn't go well, Ben would be defenseless. And things _never_ went well in this damn island.

He took a couple of rocks as quietly as possible and threw them away from the spear. He had learned a couple of things from Darius. The herrerasaurus raised her head and immediately went to inspect the noise, she was fast.

Ben took a deep breath. Now or never.

He broke into a sprint, taking the spear and turning around immediately towards the dinosaur, that obviously heard him running. She turned towards him, her tail wagging slightly at the sight of him.

Ben's grip on the spear tigthened. He could do this, he tried to tell himself. He had faced a whole herd of compies and a parasaurolophus. He had survived alone for days. He had made this spear specifically for this. To fight, to survive.

But then, the herrerasaurus hissed and suddenly, all those arguments in his head didn't sound convincing at all.

He noticed a relatively big, hollow trunk on the ground to his left and immediately ran towards it. The herrerasaurus chased after him, but by the time she bit, Ben had already completely crawled into it.

His chest ached, his breath was too rapid and his heart was beating too loudly and too hard. He had gotten lucky, she was really fast. His head throbbed, pumped with adrenaline and terror.

What was he thinking?! He couldn't do this! He was just a scrawny kid. Those dinosaurs he scared were a herbivore, some tiny rat dinosaurs and…and a baby. Tears welled up in his eyes. At the back of his mind, he realized his own brain was trying to distract itself from the panic as the herrerasaurus softly rolled the trunk. He wondered what Bumpy was doing right now. He wondered what the rest of the kids were doing. They were probably trying to forget about everything that went down here, safe in their beds.

Ben sniffed. That was good. He really was getting in their way. If he hadn't fallen from that monorail, he would have probably messed up in some other way and make them miss the boat.

"Aagh!" he exclaimed as the trunk rolled and hit something. The herrerasaurus hissed, annoyed. She scratched at the trunk with her feet. Then, she lowered her head, sniffing at Ben from the end of the trunk.

Getting in everyone's way was all he'd ever done. To the other campers, to Roxy and Dave before that, to his mom, even to Bumpy. Maybe if he was devoured right now he'd be doing the world a favor. Or at least to that dinosaur.

He yelped then as she tried to stick her hands inside the trunk. He scooted away and watched with horror as the claws moved furiously, trying to get him and scratching the wood from the inside, leaving deep marks on it.

She retracted them and lowered her head once more, staring at him as if calculating her next move.

His breath halted as he made eye contact with her. She blinked, and he blinked too. Suddenly, all he could hear was his own heartbeat, every palpitation as if the world had slowed down and he stared at the herrerasaurus.

No.

No, no, no, no!

He pushed his spear forward, stabbing it in the herrerasaurus' eye. She cried in agony as she stepped away, and Ben took the chance to crawl out of the trunk.

_Screw you, Ben. Screw you! I hate you!_

He took several steps away from the herrerasaurus, before halting, spear ready and pointing at her. He didn't want to die. He didn't want to die.

The herrerasaurus roared at him, furious and in pain.

"I WON'T LET YOU KILL ME!" Ben screamed back.

He hated himself so much. But even so, he didn't want to die. He wanted to survive, he wanted to escape and, most of all, he didn't want to be a coward anymore.

He was so tired of it all. All those other crazy things he did, they were steps that led him to this. And this was just another step. A big one. But he could do it.

Right?

"I can do this, I can do this, I can do this," he chanted to himself, his grip tightening on the spear.

The herrerasaurus roared once more before finally running up to him. Ben did the same, screaming as he charged at her the same way.

Then, once she was sure to bite down at him, he dodged to the ground, cutting her on the side as he rolled away. She hissed in pain and swung her arm.

"Shit—!" Ben exclaimed as he rolled away. She had gotten a cut to his leg. But she probably wanted to do more damage than that, he realized.

She had miscalculated her attack. Ben gasped as he realized that the reason was that one of her eyes didn't work anymore.

Ben had done that. Ben had weakened her. He had a chance.

"I CAN DO THIS!" Ben yelled as the herrerasaurus went for another bite again. This time, he didn't dodge.

Instead, he thrusted the spear upwards, and stabbed her palate.

He couldn't help but grimance empathetically at the sound she made. He quickly took the spear out and ran backwards before she could attack with her claws. He grimanced again at the clumsy, useless movements she made. She shook her head and cried, as blood fell out of her mouth and eye.

Ben gasped, lowering his spear. Had he done it? Was this enough to make her too afraid to keep up the attack? Was he the winner?

No. Of course not.

She was unhinged with fury now, and Ben had hesitated for a moment. But a moment was enough. He jolted when she began sprinting at him with a mouth filled with blood, which spilled everywhere as she screamed. And with the jolt and the surprise, he tripped, falling on his back.

The herrerasaurus pounced, and Ben made his only move left: raising his spear upwards and closing his eyes tight, waiting for the end.

As soon as Ben heard the sound of the spear tearing trough skin, and then organs, he knew that it would haunt him forever, however long that was. Maybe his forever would be five more seconds.

However, aside from the pain of having a heavy animal on top of him, and a claws that were really close to breaking his skin, no more pain came to him. He wondered if he had disconnected from his body in order to not feel his own death.

But no.

The sounds from the herrerasaurus, all of them, the breathing, the hisses, the crying and even the heartbeat, it all stopped. One last hitched breath seemed to be the last, and Ben finally realized that he was still alive, but the herrerasaurus was not.

He crawled desperately from under her, tipping the body sideways as he did. Once he was on his feet, he turned to finally see it.

Two pools of blood surrounded her, one made by the wounds of her mouth and eye and another from her chest, right were the spear was stuck in.

"I…did it," Ben breathed out.

Numbly, as if in autopilot, he saw himself grab the spear and take it out of the herrerasaurus' chest. Blood poured out from her slowly, her heart wasn't beating anymore. 

Ben sniffed, realizing that a couple of tears fell from his eyes. He didn't know what for. He was highly conflicted. What _was_ he feeling? Was he glad that he accomplished this? Was it even an accomplishment? Killing a living thing.

Against his will, his mind sent him back to the monorail, and the pterosaurs that tried to eat him, to kill him. He was sent back even before that, to the carnotaurus, to the mesosaurus, the indominus rex. They all tried to kill him, and the other kids, and Bumpy. Some of them—many of them—had killed other people, even in front of Ben.

He sniffed again, but no more tears came.

He thought back to just a few minutes ago, when he was about to get killed by the same herrerasaurus that lied dead besides his feet.

His leg swung hard and met the dinosaur's limp body with a strong _thud_.

He kicked it and stepped on it. Again, and again and again.

"That's…!" he yelled, not recognizing himself in that furious, resentful and terrified voice. "…what you get!" he kicked it again, right on it's wound, making blood spill out even more.

That's right. This is how it worked in this island. Only the strong survived, and Ben _survived_. What he was feeling, maybe for the first time, was pride. He was proud of himself. He ignored his trembling hands and the knot on his stomach, he didn't feel bad about it. He _didn't_. He was glad.

This was hard proof that he could do this, that he could get out of this hellish place. He did _not_ feel bad about it.

……………………………………………………..

Ben shuddered at the memory, shaking his head slightly.

He looked up to see the rest of the kids—his friends—cheerfully chatting and laughing with each other, as a secret remix of Dave's played in the background. He tried to smile at their antics, but he only managed to move his lips upwards slightly, the movement heavy on his face and not reaching his eyes.

The image of the herrerasaurus on top of him flashed in his mind and the strained smile fell. Tons of memories since the Indominus rex escaped haunted him, but this one was one of the worst. It had been bloody, horrific and shameful. 

It was nothing like his fight with Toro, _that_ was a story he was happy to tell, numerous times. He had been brave from beginning to end, he was fully prepared, he had gotten Bumpy back and they had scared Toro away together, it was badass and cool and barely had any blood.

Ben focused on his breath: breathe in, hold for four seconds, breathe out for seven.

He had been pathetic that night. Getting cold feet, almost wishing to be eaten before frantically attacking the herrerasaurus like a feral cornered animal. He barely recognized himself as he recalled the incident, feeling like he had been replaced for another wild jungle creature, fueled only by his will to survive and his spite. He wondered, if he searched deep enough in himself, which one would he find at the centre of it all, the pathetic scared boy or that unhinged animal.

"Ben, are you okay?"

The voice snapped Ben into reality, and he was met with Sammy's smiling face, though the slight curve of her eyebrows betrayed her worry.

At the sight of her kind and warm presence, Ben was able to smile genuinely. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"You sure were zoned out, huh?" she said as she sat down beside him. "Where did you go?"

She clearly meant it innocently, there was no way she'd know. It was impossible. But Ben felt cold sweat run down his back regardless. "I was just thinking…about the food my mom made."

Sammy tilted her head. "Really?"

"Yeah," Ben shrugged and looked up at the starry sky. "I didn't appreciate it enough, but I really miss it now."

After a moment of silence, he looked back at Sammy to find her smiling sadly. She glanced at their friends and then at Ben. "You lie well sometimes," she said.

Ben blinked at her, feeling caught. "Wh—what?"

"It's okay, Ben. It _will_ be okay," Sammy said, dark eyes boring into him. She placed a hand on top of his own. "We're here for you now, and you don't need to say anything you don't want to."

"…thanks."

Sammy smiled once more, her eyes crinkling before standing up and walking over to Yaz.

Ben stared at her with wide eyes. She was a great friend, she had promised that she—that everyone here—would have his back, and Ben felt horrible for feeling dread instead of comfort at those words.

Everyone was getting tired by now, and as they prepared for bed, Ben stared at them, as subtly as he could. The dread did not go away, as if cemented into his heart.

"Oh, Ben!" Darius exclaimed, he glanced at the beds, his eyes wide. "Uh, you can—"

"You can take my bed," Sammy interrupted. "Yaz and I can share, right?"

"…huh? Uh, um, y-yeah. Totally," was the awkward response from Yasmina.

"Uh…" Ben mumbled as he stood up. The dread was only growing on his chest, and now on his stomach as he looked at welcoming and expectating faces.

They were taking care of him. They were caring for him again, and as soon as Ben got comfortable, he would go back to being a burden. Soon, those warm welcoming expressions would turn into annoyed, tired glares. As soon as they realized what he was deep down, they would hate him.

"Ben…?" Kenji asked, worried. Ben hadn't said anything yet.

Then, a thought struck him. Bumpy.

 _Bumpy_.

Guilt was soon mixed up in that dread, and Ben found himself walking away from the beds. "Don't worry, I'll sleep down there with Bumpy," he replied, his voice a lot calmer than he expected.

"What?!" Yasmina and Brooklynn exclaimed in unison.

Ben went down the slide and soon everyone was standing against the railing, staring down at him.

"Ben, we have plenty of space! You don't need to do that!" Darius exclaimed. "I-I can sleep on the floor, and you can take my bed!"

Ben winced. Darius really needed to stop that habit of throwing himself under the bus. "No need, I'll be fine," he said, sounding particularly cheery and a little bit cocky.

"Fine?! It's dangerous down there!" Brooklynn exclaimed.

"We built this tree house up here for a _reason_ , man," Kenji said with exasperation.

"Exactly," Ben replied. "I'm not leaving Bumpy alone to fend for herself."

"Seriously, dude? Bumpy is a giant five ton dinosaur, and you're a tiny human, in case you forgot!" Yasmina snapped.

"Ben, please come back up," Sammy said, begged almost. It only made Ben feel guiltier to see them worried like this, but he couldn't go back up there. He just couldn't.

"Guys, I've been fine without you and your tree house for months," he said, all cheer leaving his voice. "I'll be okay down here."

With that, he turned to walk towards Bumpy, and his friends didn't utter another word.

"Hey girl," he said, caressing her beak when she greeted him with a gentle coo. His voice was raspy, he focused on the texture of Bumpy's shell to avoid crying. He really didn't want to cry right now, it wasn't a good moment. Actually, he realized that it had been a very long time since he last cried.

"Hey, Be—" Ben immediately raised his spear. "Ahh! It—It's just me, dude!"

Ben blinked and put down the spear. "Sorry," he told Kenji. "Didn't hear you coming."

"Hah, really?" Kenji grinned. "Guess I could be a jungle ninja too."

Ben smirked. "Not until you start eating bugs."

Kenji pulled a very disgusted face. "No, thanks. I'll pass," he said before dropping down to sit against Bumpy.

"What are you doing?"

"Keeping you company!" Kenji exclaimed with an easy smile, placing his hands behind his head. "This is actually more comfortable than I thought, maybe I'll be using Bumpy as a resting tree in the future."

Ben raised an eyebrow before sitting down besides Kenji. "Don't you think that it's really dangerous down here?" he asked with suspicion.

"Oh, absolutely."

Ben stared at him for a second, trying to decipher his intentions. And then, it hit him. He glared daggers at him as he exclaimed, "I can take care of myself, Kenji!"

 _Of course_. He tried his hardest to prove since he first encountered them that he was changed, that he was strong, that he could look out for himself, that he wouldn't drag anyone down anymore. But of course they didn't really buy it. "You don't have to protect me! As if you could! You can't do anything!"

Kenji flinched at the words, his smile disappearing as he looked down. Oh, that was too mean, wasn't it?

"Sorr—"

"I know that," Kenji interrupted, still staring at the ground, his hands now on his lap.

Ben sighed, feeling even more guilty. "Kenji…"

"No, seriously," Kenji said, looking up at him. "I know you don't need help anymore, but…" he looked away, sighing. He scratched his neck nervously. "I don't know…I don't want you to be alone, I guess."

Ben blinked, suddenly feeling out of words. "Oh…"

He brought his knees to his chest, placing his hands on them. He glanced at Bumpy for a moment, she was already asleep.

"Stop looking so weirded out, man!" Kenji said, shoving Ben's arm playfully. "You can keep as silent as you want, I'm not going anywhere. Even if sleeping on the ground sucks, and we're much easier targets down here."

Ben smiled at him, he had gotten kind of sweeter since he last saw him. Kenji smiled back at him.

"Okay," he shrugged. "Sorry about that, seriously."

"It's fine, you're not as good at insults as you think you are."

"We'll see about that," Ben grinned. He'd keep it in mind for later, though he'd have to be really careful not to step over the line, because that hurt expression on Kenji really didn't look right.

"Besides, people having low expectations works just fine for me. Everyone else does all the work."

That sounded more like the old Kenji, but Ben knew he was just playing around. He had gone to the ends of the earth for the group many times.

"That's true. Guess _I'll_ be protecting _you_ , then."

Kenji seemed slightly taken aback, looking away and laughing awkwardly, his voice cracking. "Uh—I guess you're right! Um, anyways…" he said, his voice a bit too loud, as he scratched his neck again. "Why are you down here? You seriously just want to keep Bumpy safe?"

Ben turned to stare at Bumpy's peaceful sleeping face. He smiled, even as huge as she was, she was an adorable baby to him still. "I guess it's not just that…" he said honestly, petting her. "I just…"

He sighed. It was hard to put it into words. He glanced at Kenji to find him with a look of patience and focus Ben had never seen on him. He found it oddly inviting. He couldn't tell him everything, but maybe he could tell him something.

"I know she can survive on her own, obviously. She actually did survive on her own when she wasn't even an adult. I told you guys we got separated, right?"

"Yeah."

"It—it was my fault. I was angry and…so upset," Ben sighed. "And I took it out on her, scared her away."

He glanced at Kenji for a moment, expecting to see him wearing an expression of surprise, rejection or even disgust. Instead, he looked really sad. Ben looked away quickly, not knowing what to make of that. He decided to continue, even if it was hard to say it, it did feel kind of good to put it out into the world.

"She was a bit more grown, but she was still a baby. She actually protected me even when she was that little, and I…" he presed an arm against his eyes. He wasn't crying, not yet, but he didn't want to. So he sighed and calmed his breathing before actual tears could fall down. "Anyways…I guess I can't leave her alone because of that. I know she'd be fine without me but, I'm not ready to be away from her. It feels like I'm leaving her…again. I need her to know that I'll be there for her and that I'll never let her go again, even if she doesn't need it," he sighed deeply, feeling as if something heavy was lifted from his shoulders. "Anyways, I'll probably will go sleep in the tree house eventually but for now—"

Ben's words died out suddenly as Kenji's hand shot up to grip Ben's arm tightly.

He blinked. "…what?"

Kenji's eyes widened and he quickly let go of him. "Sorry, sorry," he said quickly, coughing and wiping away tears before they fell. Ben had become accustomed to that motion himself. "Uh, keep going."

 _Idiot_ , Ben thought, narrowing his eyes. "Hey," he said, shoving Kenji with a bit more force than necessary. "You don't get to cry and then pretend it didn't happen!" he said as he kept shoving him.

"But—!"

Ben grinned at the embarrassment on Kenji's face and shoved him again. "I poured out my heart to you. It's your turn now."

"Okay, okay, just stop that!" Kenji replied. Ben did stop it, and chuckled at Kenji's pouting. "Sheesh, you're a lowkey bully now."

Ben's smug smirk widened. "I can be highkey too."

"Screw you," Kenji grumbled. There was a long moment of silence, while Kenji pensively stared at the ground. Ben was a bit impatient, and he 'lowkey' wanted to keep teasing him, but he remained silent and attentive anyways. Kenji had done the same for him, after all. "I get it," he finally said. "Like, really get it."

His voice was quiet in a very un-Kenji way. Ben watched him attentively as he pressed his lips together, as one hand played with the hem of his shorts and the other gripped the grass tightly, as if he was bracing himself for his next words.

"I get it, because I feel really similar about…" he drifted off, voice and face filled with insecurity.

Ben stared at him with wide eyes. "About…?" he asked. Kenji's eyes met his, full of meaning that Kenji couldn't put into words, and as his eyes roamed all of Ben, he understood. "…oh."

"Yeah…" Kenji replied shyly, looking away.

There was a long silence, and Ben wondered insistently what exactly was going through Kenji's mind. However, he couldn't bring himself to ask.

"I know you can take care of yourself," Kenji said finally, ripping grass from the ground. "Like, seriously, I know. But I still can't—I don't want to leave you alone, you know?"

Ben smiled fondly at the words, he really was a lot sweeter.

"Like, even if you're not that far away. If you leave it feels like…it brings me back to…" Kenji struggled, trying really hard to say it, but finally he sighed in defeat. "You know."

Ben nodded. "I know," he replied, placing a hand on Kenji's shoulder, gaining a smile from him.

"So…even if you're fine, I feel like I gotta be around. Because if I'm not, it pulls me back to _that_ moment and I'm just filled with…" he raises his hands, as if trying to unravel his own feelings. "…fear and…and guilt…" he sighed again, putting his face in his palms. "I feel so guilty about it. That I couldn't—that I didn't…Ugh!" he exclaimed, kicking a nearby rock.

Bumpy made an exalted noise at that.

"Oh—sorry, Bumpy," Kenji said. Bumpy made a sleepy, slightly annoyed noise before letting her head fall back against the ground. He looked back at Ben, his eyes tearing up as he stared silently. "I'm really sorry, Ben," he said, whispered almost, with raised shoulders and an incredibly tense posture overall. He looked afraid. But afraid of what? Of Ben himself? Did he actually act that much like a bully now? He should look out for that, maybe ask Yaz later.

For now, he took Kenji's hand. He really was ridiculously tense.

"It's okay, Kenji," he said, staring at him straight in the eye, trying to convey it as sincerely as he could. Because it really was okay. Kenji's eyes were now wide as plates, glancing from Ben's face to their joined hands. "It really is."

"But…" Kenji said. "I could have…"

Ben placed his other hand on top of their joined ones, effectively shutting Kenji up. "Do you know how many times I wanted to help you guys but…just froze?"

Kenji looked down, seeming conflicted. So Ben continued.

"It was a lot, right? And I hated myself every time it happened. So if anyone can understand, it's me. Trust me," he laced their fingers together and felt particularly encouraged by the small smile that formed on Kenji's lips. "Besides, for that one time that you froze there were plenty of times when you helped me."

Kenji's smile widened as their eyes connected once more. "Thanks, Ben. Really."

Ben returned the smile, feeling an incredibly warm fondness bloom in his chest as he patted their joined hands.

"The same goes for you, you know?" Kenji said.

"Huh?"

"For that one time that you got angry at Bumpy, there were so many times that you stood up for her."

Ben sighed. "Yeah…I hope she thinks that too."

Kenji's grip on his hand tightened slightly. "Well, she's here, isn't she?" he said before bumping their shoulders together, getting a chuckle out of Ben.

After a long moment of silence, Ben spoke again, his voice coming out unsure and shy like it hadn't in a long time. "I don't think I'm ready to be away from her, though."

This time, it was Kenji's hand that was placed on top of their joined ones. It was warm. His hands were a lot warmer than Ben's, and Ben realized suddenly how nice it was to have something that warm in the night. He hadn't had anything like that in…who knows how long. Ben loved having Bumpy near, but it wasn't comparable at all. Kenji's hands were _really_ warm, and really soft too. How did he keep them so soft after all this?

"Um, what?" Ben said, realizing that Kenji had said something while he marveled at his hands.

Kenji was looking away, but the grip on Ben's hands tigthened ever so slightly. "I'm not ready either."

Kenji was a warm person, Ben concluded. In more ways than one.

Ben smiled. "Then I guess we'll stay here for now," he said before scooting closer, and sighing contently at the warmth.

Kenji did that awkward, high-pitched laugh again, but didn't move away. "Yup! Guess we'll stay! Right here. Just you and me, bro! And—and Bumpy too, of course!"

"Shut up, Kenji," Ben said, smiling.

"Yeah."

Ben chuckled before closing his eyes. He couldn't remember the last time he felt this content while going to sleep, not even back home. Without opening his eyes, he laid his head on Kenji's shoulder. He got very obviously tense, and Ben was about to pull back when Kenji seemed to relax a little bit, and placed his own head on top of Ben's.

"Goodnight, Ben," Kenji whispered.

The smile that formed on Ben's lips was way too wide and way too joyful for such a simple sentence. "Goodnight, Kenji."

Their necks and backs would be really sore the next day, but Ben thought this was worth it. 

Maybe getting used to the warmth of other people again wouldn't be so bad. Maybe one day Ben would be able to share his worst stories too.

**Author's Note:**

> Ben: *nonchalantly takes Kenji's hands*  
> Kenji: ashbsjhbsbs  
> Ben, internally, like ten minutes later: H A N D S  
> Anyways, I hope you liked it! I haven't written in a while, especially characters that aren't my own, but I had fun.


End file.
